Unwise
by mercva
Summary: It never is wise to get involved at Furinkan.


Kuno Tatewaki, (un)popular Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, looked down his nose at the gaijin. "You will address me as Upperclassman Kuno!" 

The thin, nerdy looking gaijin shrugged. "Whatever, Tatewaki." 

This didn't go down too well, and the deranged kendo-ist challenged the pale nerd, KO'ing him within a few seconds. The guy's brother sighed, picking his brother up and taking him to the nurses station. His face looked resigned. Tendo Nabiki decided to follow him and get some answers out of him. People were already asking. 

"Floyd-san, that was pretty stupid of your brother." 

Floyd shrugged. He was somewhat in shape, compared to his almost anorexic sibling. "That other guy is gonna end up sorry. I just hope that I don't have to listen to Ed all tonight." 

Nabiki blinked. That geek didn't look as if he could take on Gosunkugi, let alone Kuno... "What school of martial arts is he?" 

Tom Floyd snorted, a smirk crossing his face for a moment. His somewhat strange New Zealand accent came through in his Japanese. "You'd find him wearing a pink, frilly dress before he took up real martial arts. He does do some meditation stuff, though. Ties it in with his computer cracking, calls it soul cracking. Mental-physical martial arts." 

Tendo Nabiki smirked. "And are you a martial artist?" 

She could almost smell the yen already. 

"So so." 

"Would your brother be interested in a challenge?" 

Tom Floyd shrugged, moving his shoulders forwards rather than down. "You'd have to ask him that." 

Nabiki imperceptibly frowned. Why couldn't they all be as thick as Saotome Ranma? Maybe she could prod Saotome into a challenge. 

"I'll do that." 

She left. 

* * * 

The Tendo household was a bit calmer than normal. Tendo Nabiki had managed to make more money than she thought she would over the new loser and his brother. She'd sold the information about the younger brother's Art to Saotome Genma, and as she hoped the stupid panda-freak was egging his son Ranma into challenging the boy. Ranma, who hated being pushed into things, was reluctant but she could see the interest the description had provoked. 

Ranma shrugged. "I dunno. I might learn some stuff off him." 

Tendo Akane decided to butt in. Anyone who stood up to Kuno was kind of okay, even if he was a perverted boy. "Don't you pick on him, Ranma!" 

Ranma pulled a face at Akane. "What, like you pick on me, ya tomboy?!" 

His fiance immediately rearranged that smug expression. The hard way. 

* * * 

In another household, tea was going far more smoothly. If only through the reclusiveness of one brother, the other complaining about the stupid sports jock who knocked out his brother and the parents half listening and thinking about Roger Floyd's new job at a startup firm called River God Technologies. All in all, rather typical. 

Ed bolted down his meagre plate of chips and a ham steak, which had been slathered with tomato sauce, and got himself a cup of tea, quietly excusing himself to his room. He had an abominable bruise on his head, and the headache... 

He started a music CD to drown out the thumping of excess blood near his ear drums. It also muted the fans in his room. He sat on his bed, which was sloppily made, in something like a lotus position. Ed tried to remember as much about his attacker as possible. 

Ed pulled over a keyboard. It was one of his tertiary consoles. All the other computers were busy crunching through stuff. He was rarely sure of exactly what they were doing. 

He wrote some numbers down in a red and white notebook that lived in the ass pocket of his blue cloth trousers. 

Ed smiled. It was a smile that lived on vengeance and a sense of honour. He was strange, by the standards of his culture. He mostly hated living in Japan. The busyness of some of the town grated on him. Ed freely admitted he was addicted to the spiritual aspects of Japan, though. 

He pushed away the keyboard, and put away his notebook. Time to meditate on his day, and to build up his strength. Ed left the room to practise his Soul Cracker outside, while moving around. He considered it conceited of himself to give his method of fighting a name, but partly justified it through numerous small incidients like the one... yesterday, now. 

* * * 

Saotome Ranma was not a happy man. Well, he was, but damned if he'd show it. He'd gotten attention from Akane, which made all the pain worthwhile. With his fast healing, he'd recovered by lunchtime, anyway. 

He thanked the kami as he made it to the geeky looking guy without getting glomped or thumped. This new guy looked like he could give Gosunkugi lessons in creepiness. The guy looked up at him. He'd just finished his lunch -- a sandwich, it looked like. Ranma bowed, slightly. The guy did the polite thing and bowed back. 

"Saotome Ranma. And you?" 

The guy moved over a seat. "Want to sit by me? I'm Ed Floyd. Floyd Edward, I suppose it is here in Japan." 

Ranma nodded. He vaguely remembered something in English class about names being backwards, or something like that. "I heard that you do martial arts, Ed." 

Edward looked Ranma just below the eyes. "Of a sort. I'm self taught. Haven't fought anyone for real, or in a challenge or anything." 

This sounded more interesting to Ranma by the minute. "I challenge you, then. Today after school okay?" 

Ed nodded. "Hai. What's your curse?" 

Ranma scowled, then returned his smirk to his face once more. "Didn't have enough money for Nabiki?" 

Floyd Edward shook his head. "No, your aura is off, and has some strange colours." 

He found himself being held up in the air by his upper arms, looking at an excited Ranma. "Could you cure me? Do you know magic?" 

Ed hunched himself. It was easier than normal, with his arms being held. "I don't know enough for that sorry." 

He looked closer at the discolourations. "A.... girl? With red hair. Extra life force to deal with.... transformations, trigger water. Wow." 

Ranma put him down. This was aided by Akane hitting him over the head with a seat. "Baka! Put the poor boy down! I hope you're not going to pick on him like you do with poor Ryouga." 

Ed took the opportunity to quietly sneak off. 

* * * 

Tom Floyd looked around in disbelief. A crowd of people had already heard of the fight between his brother and the local champion. He could see a system of girls taking bets. He was prepared to bet a lot that it was that girl who grilled him yesterday. He handed his brother a bottle of Mountain Dew, which Ed chugged like Ranma eats food. 

There was even a Chinese ramen stall, womanned by the oldest female he had ever seen, and the best looking babe he had ever seen. 

The Tendo girl walked to the middle of the field, confirming his suspicions that she was the underworld boss in these parts. She cleared her throat, and everyone was silent. She announced the fighters with fine showmanship, and Tom sat back to watch. He had every confidence his brother would win. 

"Three minutes," Floyd said calmly. 

"What?," Saotome asked. 

"I will defeat you in three minutes." 

They stood. Saotome waited for Floyd to start. Tom smirked. That was an unwise thing to do, letting Ed go first. 

"Dis Con!" 

Tom didn't know why, but Ed used shortened versions of the English names for his techniques. This one was Disconnect. It let Ed take damage and be able to concentrate on his attacks. 

Ranma took a flying kick at Ed, testing his reflexes. As Ed fell, he yelled out "Bin Sear Neur Dis!" 

Tom knew this one. 'Binomial Search Neural Disruptor'. He could still slightly feel the headsplitting pain from that move. A faint blue surrounded Ranma, shrinking into his head within microseconds and delivering the payload. 

Ranma obviously felt it too. He used the Soul of Ice technique, dulling the ache. Ed recognised the look; he used a version instead of the Dis Con when he needed the logical precision his version brought. A punch sent Ed sprawling. He lifted his left arm from his prone position, pointed at Ranma's neck and shouted "Bin Sear E M P!" 

Tom didn't know this one. It was new to him. He guessed the EMP was a reference to Electromagnetic Pulse, though. Probably a version of the Asian acupuncture. It decked Saotome, paralysing the spinal column. Tom looked over at the Tendo girl. She looked majorly pissed. It was a given that most of the students had betted heavily on Saotome, but Tom knew she owed him, forty to one odds for a bet of forty thousand yen. That made sixteen hundred american, if he figured correctly. And one indebted Tendo. 

A man in a set of overalls wandered in, homing in on Nabiki immediately. She was infamous here, apparently. He paid her, and she pointed him out to.... Tatewaki Kuno? The deliveryman handed him a box. Tom laughed under his breath as he recognised the look on the man's face. 

"There, paid for delivery from the Heavenly Sex Shop, Kuno-san." 

Tom laughed out out, as did most of the crowd. This was undoubtedly part of Ed's revenge, and he decided to have words with Nabiki Tendo about it. Kuno was doing a wonderful impression of a fish, and Ed was laughing his ass off from the ground. He was still getting his breath back. 

Tom helped him up. "You have to work on your dodging more, Ed." 

Ed shrugged. "You know what my health is like, brother. And it isn't as if I felt it. The Disconnect'll last for another hour or so. I was expecting more of a fight for my first challenge though." 

"That's no excuse. What if he broke your leg or something?" 

"So what? That would just mean no sports, which would be fine by me." 

* * * 

Ranma sighed inwardly. His old man would be on his case for a year after this. Some new guy, physically scarcer than Genma's morals, had totally beaten him. Ranma just *knew* Nabiki would love him, too. Everyone now betted on Ranma, but the martial artist knew that some of his classmates would had betted on Ed. The Ice Queen had given very good odds on Ed; from the look of him, *Kasumi* could have laid the smack down on him. *Without* her broom. 

"Oh, how the mighty have fallen," Ed's older brother, Tom, said. "Want a hand up, man?" 

Ranma indicated in a noncommittal way that yes, he might be interested. "Hnn." 

Tom pulled Ranma's left arm over his shoulders, lifting the Japanese boy off the ground. He groaned as he saw Tendo Nabiki coming. 

"Saotome, do you know how much money I owe people now after you lost? Two hundred thousand yen. That's more money than you'd see in a year. That's money that we won't have to pay for food, Ranma. How are you planning to fix this little problem?" 

Normally Ranma would be suckered into paying, or assuming responsibility for her debt. This time, however, the problem was over a martial arts fight and prize money. This he knew all about. (Genma had solutions *besides* taking wedding dowry for making money on the infamous Ten Year Trip.) 

"I don't owe you anything. You didn't ask me or Ed if you wanted us to cover your bets. And so many people were watching, one of them would be bound to tell the old man," Ranma grumped at her. 

Hiroshi and Daisuke were helping Ed up now. "Man, that was way cool! How did you do that? That's the first time in a long time that someone's beat Ranma! 

"I did it by doing what he wouldn't anticipate," Ed rasped. "No one expects their opponent to stand there." 

"It was a fluke -- I'd beat him if we had a rematch," Ranma grumped. "He just knows a few things. Ow! Hey, tomboy, lemme alone. I dont need nothing like that." 

Akane sniffed, throwing the damp cloth at Ranma. See if she ever did anything nice for him again! 

Cologne jumped over. 

"Son in law, the boy probably has some more tricks up his sleeves. You'd do well to train more," she mused. 

"Airen too too overconfident," Xian Pu scolded. 

* * * 

Later that day, Ed was finishing a business deal with Nabiki Tendo. 

"Here you go. Complete information on all the girls in this school," he said, holding a CD recordable in his fingers. "And in return...?" 

Nabiki looked at him cooly. "A favour of my choosing in the future." 

Ed shook his head. "No, I can't give you hard information like this for some nebulous promise. How about in return all non-physical items you would normally sell to me, you give to me for free?" 

"How do I know that this information is complete," Nabiki asked, unwilling to let a potential paying customer through her fingers for a mere potential phone book. "How detailed is it?" 

The emaciated hacker grinned. "Oh, it's detailed alright. Right down to their three sizes and the colour of their panties." 

"OH BOY! COME TO HAPPY!" 

Ed shrieked, throwing the CD in the air as a gnome jumped through, snagging the precious CD. "GIVE THAT BACK YOU DISGUSTING SON OF A GULLY DWARF! UNREAL TOURNAMENT ENCE!" 

The thin hacker began running after the little troll, far quicker than he should have been able to. 

"Ranma!," Nabiki snapped. "Gimme a lift after those two! 1000 yen off your debt!" 

The two were following Ed and Happosai before Ranma consciously realised what the Ice Queen had said. 

* * * 

"IF YOU DONT GIVE THAT BACK, I PROMISE YOU PAIN!," Ed shrieked. 

"Haha! Why would I give up this tome of knowledge on my pretties?," Happy asked. 

"You don't know a thing about computers, you old relic!," Ed snapped. 

Happosai jumped on top of a three story house to buy some time while he looked at the CD writable. 

"Pooh, you're right." 

And he snapped it. 

Ranma arrived just in time to see Happosai set off the new foreigner, who then did something insane that even Ranma would never do... 

"Behold the dreaded technique of the hardened Quake deathmatcher that has killed millions! ROCKETJUMP!" 

* * * 

Ed was starting to get annoyed. While the Unreal enhancement gave him far more stamina and speed, it didn't help him catch up with the perverted little gully dwarf. 

Now the little shit was on top of some building, and had just snapped his computer disc! 

HE'D SHOW HIM SNAPPING DISCS! 

Ed built up power within himself, then set off a prodigious explosion just underneath himself, shouting, "Behold the dreaded techniques of the hardened Quake deathmatcher that has killed millions! ROCKETJUMP!" 

The explosion hurt. It hurt like hell. It was a calculated risk, however. If the little gnome got away, Ed doubted that the shrimp would ever be afraid of doing what he wanted to Ed again. So Ed had to make an example now. 

* * * 

Happosai gaped. The boy, who looked more like a raised skeleton that someone had bound in canvas more than a human, managed to jump over the top of the building, and was now coming for him! 

"banSHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE," Ed shrieked. The shriek continued, expanding the EE to a long noise that hurt the old pervert, penetrating his mind and shutting it down in self defence to avoid listening to the horrendous threat. 

* * * 

Grrr... hurting an old man like that! Happosai was of a mind to teach that youngster a lesson. Perhaps some of Cologne-chan's Instant Nyannichuan... Yes... And he was sure that he had some ki-suppressant powder somewhere. That should stop him. 

* * * 

Tom swore as he ditched school to chase after his brother, trailing behind Ranma and Nabiki. He caught up to them right after Ed started shrieking. 

"Floyd-san, what on earth is your brother doing?!," Nabiki asked above the din. "Has he gone mad?" 

Tom scowled. "He wasn't all that stable to begin with. Shit, he's gonna be out of control for weeks now. Who set him off?" 

"The ol' freak did. Want me to pound the ol' pervert?," Ranma asked, always ready to hit Happosai until candy came out. 

Ed's brother shook his head. "Nah, just gimme a lift up to the roof." 

Once up there, Tom sneaked behind the incapacitated Happosai, fingers plugging his ears, then indicated to Ranma to give the old man a damn good kick. 

Lower Earth Orbit, here comes Happosai. (Just think of all the woman he can see from *that* high up!) 

Ed, his opponent vanished, slowly quieted down. The thin hacker looked around, puzzled, then his eyes rolled up and he collapsed. 

"Shit!," Tom swore. 

* * * 

Ed sat on his bed, slowly recuperating. Thoughts of revenge floated through his head. He discarded them one after another. He still didn't have enough information about the ancient little shit to do any real harm. He did have a name, however -- Happosai. 

Cracking time. 

Ed pulled a keyboard over to him, pausing the main operations on his primary computers to set them to a Grade One search on anything about 'Happosai.' 

Okay... he was head of the Anything Goes Martial Arts. Hold on -- he's currently being sheltered by the Tendo School of Anything Goes. Or so that Ranma had said. 

"My God..." Ed exclaimed as the police search finished. This Happosai had a wanted list longer than his arm, all over Asia. As many sexual harassment charges as theft. This old guy must be the biggest pervert the world has ever birthed, Ed thought. 

Next the medical records finished. There weren't many entries at all, just a birth record... a hundred years old? 

Now, to think up a good punishment... perhaps binding Happosai to a particular area? Say, the guys' locker rooms at school? Hmmm... He could sacrifice the old gully dwarf to a succubus for torturing, but that was a bit too extreme for his tastes. This would take some thinking on. 

* * * 

The next day at school, Ed was sitting on the sidelines at PE. The coach had given up on him managing to do anything five minutes after the class had started. Ed was having a ball, watching other people sweat through running in circles. 

He screamed as someone dumped a bucket of cold water on him. COOOOOLD! He blinked, as he felt a small pair of hands feel up a chest that he had not had before, right after feeling up a butt that was definitely different to the one he had lived with previously. He decided to look down. A little old man, hands roaming all over Ed. A female Ed. 

Now, as with most computer hackers, Ed had a personal space field that extended about a meter all around. He hated personal contact of any sort-- he didn't even like shaking hands, really. So the gropage didn't really go down very well at all. 

THAT FOUL DISGUSTING DWARF! 

He immediately screamed. Not any old scream, however, but, the scream of... the... 

"banSHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" 

Happosai's eyes rolled into the back of his head as the long scream shut down his mind. The athletes on the field heard the scream, but lacking much of it's close-range power, instead contracting a bad headache. 

Ed got up, feeling more muscle on him--no, her now--than normal. He dragged the old pervert to a concrete pad, getting out a piece of white chalk. He'd marked out three quarters of the code before Ranma managed to get over to him, along with the rest of the class. 

"Hey... are you Ed?," Ranma asked. 

Ed nodded, feeling her unbound chest move as she continued drawing, getting up to finish the interface around Happosai. 

"Err... what are you doing with the old pervert?," Ranma asked. 

Tom had his eyes closed, with a hand covering it. "Ed, don't do this. Please." 

Ed looked up, venom in her eyes. "You can't stop me. I've already initialized the firewall. This lump of gully dwarf shit is going to Hell." 

The rest of the school was watching by now. 

The reluctant girl finished up drawing her designs, settling crosslegged into the circle with the blank center. She closed her eyes, levitating a foot off the ground. The chalk flared, burning code, protocols and interfaces into the concrete. Red fire filled the channels, slowly growing in strength. A stream of light and dark bits began rising from the ground. 

Ranma felt a strong aura of Evil as a tall, pale woman dressed in a few scraps of black leather materialised in the same circle as Happosai. 

"Who summons me?," she asked in a throaty voice that attracted the perverts of the school, before they were repelled by the firewall guarding the inner code. 

"I do," Ed said in a strong, if female, voice. "I give you this man to torture for a year and a day. He has sinned, stealing possessions and people's energy. He has acted with no regard for others, and has caused strife and pain all over Asia." 

The woman smiled. It wasn't a nice smile, revealing her thin fangs where a normal person's canine teeth would be. 

"I accept your sacrifice, in return gifting you with one of the Runes of Cthon," she said. A rune burned itself into Ed's hand, the smell of burning flesh drifting across the school yard. 

"In a year and a day, then, you will return Happosai to the mortal realm. The only conditions are that he must not be a Dark Avatar, or mindwiped," Ed said in a formal manner. 

"Contract accepted," the demonic succubus said. The red fire defining the code flared again, as she dematerialised, Happosai in hand. 

Once the firewall dematerialised, Ed collapsed. Summoning the demon, and stopping it from breaking free of the interface, had taken nearly all of her energy. 

Akane stomped over to her, then punched her in the gut. After scuffing out some of that chalk -- she was mad, not stupid. 

"How could you give an old man to the Devil?! Even if he was Happosai, no one deserves that!," she said. Ranma could see a mallet flickering in her hands. 

Kuno stepped forth boldly, bokken in hand. "Behold, the dark bride of the foul sorcerer Saotome. Finally you reveal your hand, disgusting Jezebel!" 

"Cool it, Kuno," Ranma said, as he knocked Kuno out with a mallet. "So the old guy'll be okay, Ed?" 

"Sure," Ed whispered. "Tom, take... me home, please." 

Tom was just moving to pick his brother-sister up when a girl interceded. She was tall, had purple hair, and was blessed with sizable assets. Her form was clothed in a simple Chinese dress that complimented her form well, hinting what it did not show. She leapt in, poking Ed in the back. Ed collapsed, screaming like a little girl again. 

"Hey, Shampoo! What did ya do that for?," Ranma asked. 

Shampoo looked up. "Husband! This girl summon demon. Amazon Law says that demon girls are restrained." 

The main reason for Shampoo's actions were more along the simple line of reasoning that Happosai was known to summon the odd demon; therefore demon summoners were predisposed to groping girls. One Happosai was more than enough. 

Ranma looked up at Tom. "Hey man, has he... what?" 

"Ohshitohshitohshitohfuckmedead...," Tom babbled before crossing himself. He tended to read a little bit about Ed's hobbies. Enough to know that any external magic Ed had would now be out of control. 

Ed was curled up on the ground, studying her right hand intently... A horrified look was contorting her face, spasming every now and again... 

"It's gone... it's gone... no... you stupid bitch," she whispered. 

The idea that she may have jumped in too soon crept into Shampoo's mind. "What?" 

Cologne, Shampoo's great grandmother, hopped over. She looked at the downed Ed, hmm'ing. The old ghoul sucked a breath in as she saw a strange mark. "Great granddaughter, you shouldn't have done that. This girl needed the magic to restrain the demons that are still here." 

Tom ignored this momentarily to turn around. Most of the school was on the field, watching the scene unfold. His brow lowered as he saw Nabiki Tendo... taking bets! He stormed off to teach her a thing or two about taking advantage of his brother. Akane jogged right after Tom to teach *him* a lesson about hitting girls -- her sister, especially. 

"The Rune of Cthon... there's nothing controlling it now," Ed said, voice still faint. "Please tell me you can reverse what you just did." 

Cologne shook her head, long white hair moving as well. "No, the cure will take a week to make. In restitution... well, we will discuss that later." 

"Can... someone take me home?," Ed asked, voice gaining strength. 

* * * 

Ed was collapsed over his bed, gender restored with the quick application of some hot water courtesy of Ucchan's Okonomiyaki. A takeout box from said restaurant was by him, contents mostly still there and rapidly cooling. All his computers were still functioning, doing obscure things for obscure reasons. 

There was a new break in the pattern of intricate high technology. A plain eight pound sledgehammer was leaning against a rack of network switches. 

He looked at his right hand, then his left. The changes were already beginning; without his magic to restrain the Rune, Cthon's influence would rapidly enter him rather than the other way around. His skin was turning a reddish colour. 

There was about the same chance of this being sunburn as there was of Kuno's daily existence being a mask covering a highly trained genius space mercenary there to supervise the madness of Nerima. That is to say, about the chances of a snowflake on the surface of the sun. Faint traceries of patterns could be seen on his skin, if one squinted with watery eyes. 

* * * 

The next day, Ranma was too preoccupied to do well against his father in their daily sparring match. 

"Boy, you fight like a girl!," Genma taunted. 

"Ah, whadda you know, old man?," Ranma retorted. "I'm going easy on you so you don't get depressed." 

He flinched as a bleary eyed, pajama'ed Nabiki shot him the +5 Glare Of Death that all night people forced to be earlybirds know and wield. Genma immediately took advantage of that to smack him one into the ornamental pool. 

Later, at school, he was surprised to see Ed there, given how upset he had been. 

"Wow, that's one heckuva tan," Ranma commented. "And hey, what's the big hammer for?" 

Ed smiled evilly. This looked very natural on the emaciated hacker with the red tan. 

"I have a date with a certain Amazon," he said. "I owe her something." 

"Well, if you're going after Shampoo, good luck. You'll need it." 

This exhausted Ranma's alloted Conscious Seconds At School, and his head hit the desk as Ninomiya-sensei began calling the roll. 

"Saotome... asleep. He's a delinquent!" 

And that was the end of anything from Ranma. Well, until lunchtime. 

* * * 

Shampoo blinked as what must be the skinniest person she had ever seen walked into the Nekohanten. He had a sledge over his shoulders; Shampoo was surprised the weight of it hadn't broken anything. Heck, she was amazed he could walk without his bodyweight crushing his ankles. 

"What can Shampoo get skeleton-boy?," she asked cheerfully. 

"Try an iron sandwich," Ed bit back. He swung at the pneumatic Amazon with his sledge, swearing in English as he missed. The heavy hammer put a hole in the wall of the ramen shop as Shampoo leapt back, pulling her blunted maces out of StuffSpace. 

"Shampoo sorry for what she did, but she no let you beat her!" 

Ed swung at the girl again, this time destroying a table. He stopped to catch his breath, as his thin frame rebelled against him. 

The wise old Amazon elder decided to interrupt. She shattered the head of the sledge with the Blasting Touch. Ed's shoulders slumped, acknowledging defeat. "Come into the kitchen, boy." 

Ed groaned, then thrust his right arm under Cologne's nose. "Look at this. Look! I had no intentions of becoming a general to a fallen lava god, but it seems you would like me to nonetheless." 

Cologne looked at his arm, hmmm'ing and ha'ing over the patterns. Finally, she looked up at the tall, skinny, hacker. 

"Well? What do you suggest, from your thousands of years of Joketsuzoku history behind you?," Ed asked, putting bite into his question. He had done his homework. 

"For now, I can only suggest keeping as cool as possible," Cologne said, with an air of wisdom. 

Ed blinked, as he felt something. "Got a mirror?" 

Mousse turned to Ed, guided by his voice, diverted from beating up one of the pot plants for trying to harm his Shampoo. "Sure, here's one." 

Ed swore again. "[Fuck!] Now it's my hair and eyebrows. Great." 

His hair, once a layer of brown normalness, was now a collection of dancing flames. His eyebrows were flame too now, licking his forehead which seemed to be immune to the heat. 

"What was that advice again?" 

* * * 

"Foul minion of Saotome! Return to whence ye came, demon!" 

Ranma smiled nervously as Kuno tried to kill the skeletal hacker with the dancing firey hair. He was about to step in, before Ed spat at the deranged Kendo practitioner. 

"I came from this planet, knucklehead. Return to whence ye came, moron," Ed replied. 

His spit, having the appearance of molten liquid of some sort, burnt Kuno's practice sword into a length of cinders. Some of the spit had landed on Kuno's shirt, and the rich boy frantically patted his shirt in an attempt to put the hot lava out. 

"Ow! Ow! The Blue Thunder will smite you for this, demon!," Kuno shouted in between shrieks of pain as his fingers were burned. 

"Thousand yen, Kuno baby," Nabiki purred. She wordlessly rifled through Kuno's pocket, pulling out his wallet then returning it sans money. "Go jump in the pool." 

Akane poked Ed with a stick as he stood there, frowning. Murmurs passed through the watching crowd, speculating on what had happened. 

"I heard that he bathed in the fires of a Shinto temple!" 

"I heard that he got cursed by a passing sorcerer!" 

"I heard that he was bitten by a radioactive spider made of fire!," one student shouted. They all considered this possibility, then said in unison, "Naaaah. No one is stupid enough to believe in radioactive spiders." 

* * * 

Hinako Ninomiya was dedicated to her cause. She was prepared to use her devastating attacks to discipline delinquents. Notes for the lessons today were on her desk. Her classroom was stocked with books and chalk. Sans students, which was the only mar on an otherwise perfectly setup day. 

Rushing outside, she found the students gathered around the swimming pool, where a pillar of steam rose to the sky. 

"Hey! It isn't Physical Education class yet! Mr Saotome, get back to class! The rest of you too!," she shouted, child limbs flailing madly. A quick thinking student gave her an Everlasting Gobstopper, which the child teacher immediately started sucking, diverting her completely. 

"Truly, the demon's fires of Hell may be too much for this body of aqua," Kuno pontificated. "Though verily, the forces of Heaven shall conquer it's flames." 

"Want a suggestion, Kuno? Thousand yen." Guess. One change of money later... "Go get some holy water and try that." 

As everyone sighed a breath of relief (and paid Tendo the agreed fee for getting rid of Kuno), Ranma kept his attention on the pool's lone occupant. 

"Hey man, you sure that you're okay?," he asked. 

"Yesss," Ed growled. It had been three or so days since his visit to that ramen shop that the stupid bitch worked at, and his condition had deteriated rapidly. 

His whole skin was now red, and glowing slightly. The markings segmenting the redness had grown as well, covering all of him. His fingernails were small obsidian chips now, and his eyes were volcanic glass. 

He looked up as he felt... HER coming. The one who had brought him down to this. He'd just been working quietly, increasing his power, then Nerima had crashed into his life and sent it spiralling out of control. 

Shampoo bowed low. A shaming position for an Amazon, but seeing what she had brought on someone with her impetuous actions... 

"Shampoo is extremely sorry, and has pill to cancel magic cancel point," she said quietly. 

Ed smiled brightly. "Good. Give it to me." 

After he had swallowed it, he felt... a whole new realm open. The magic side of the change that the Rune normally created at the same rate as the physical side suddenly bloomed into full stature. He felt the Presence of a powerful Elder God permeate his being. 

From outside, he appeared fearsome. All the water in the now-shallow pool vaporized instantly upon contact with Ed, forming a superheated mist. He rose in the air, head tilted forwards, eyes closed. 

Cologne hopped forwards. She began praying that the boy was able to control the Rune, and that the Rune was not controlling him. The Amazon Elder also made a mental note to put her descendant through more strenuous training. "Ed...?" 

His eyes opened. When born, his eyes had been a muddy green. During the last week, they had darkened to a solid black obsidian colour. Now, they were glowing red. 

"COME, OLD ELDER," Ed said. His voice was deep, far deeper than he should have been able to speak. "DOST THOU WISH TO TAKE ME ON?" 

Nabiki saw her "I'm a martial artist too!" sister about take on the possessed boy and got one of her friends to convince Akane not to while she kept tabs on the situation. 

"Not at all," Cologne said. She was smart enough to know her limits. True, a move like the Imperial Ascending Heavenly Dragon Blast might've done something. But she doubted it would slow the Elder God's pawn for more than a moment. "I'm only concerned for the boy, and this world. Might I ask...?" She let her voice trail off. 

"WHAT MINE INTENTIONS ARE? THOU MAY. FOR NOW, I AM WILLING TO LET MY GENERAL ALONE UNTIL THE TIME OF THE END COMES. SHAMPOO, COME HERE." 

The figure chained in fire continued to levitate above the evaporated pool, and reached his hand out. Shampoo, prodded by her Great Grandmother (one does *not* disobey a God to his face -- especially not Elder Gods) moved down into the ceramic lined pit, and under the hand. 

"What fire boy want?," she asked. 

The figure smiled slightly. "I WILT GIVE THEE AN OBJECT LESSON," it intoned. "HAVE, THEN, A RUNE OF THY OWN, BELONGING TO MY BROTHER XENON." 

Most of the school expected Ranma, or one of the other resident martial to jump in now, to 'save' Shampoo. He would have, except that he was being restrained by his father (who was terrified of the fiery being coming after him and his later on.) Happosai was in Hokkaido stealing panties and brassieres. Ryouga was in South America or Ethiopia or something. Mousse was currently on the ground due to concussion. Ukyo was at her restaurant. 

Cologne flinched visibly as a rune appeared on Shampoo's right hand. Where Ed's Rune had been made of flowing lines that melded into each other, Shampoo's Rune was sharp, angular, composed of rigid lines. 

Shaking, Shampoo asked nervously (not that the Amazon would ever admit that), "Why fire man give Shampoo Rune?" 

The general of Cthon smiled. 

"What is the catch, as the Americans say?," Cologne asked. 

Ed looked at the sun. "YE HAVE FIVE MINUTES AS THE WEST COUNT TIME TO TEACH HER BASIC RESTRAINT, BEFORE XENON DOTH MAKE HIMSELF KNOWN." 

Shampoo immediately... executed a tactical retreat. Yes. Definitely not running away. 

* * * 

Afterwards, Ed was able to hide his new body behind illusions, since he had his magic back. No one had heard anything from the Amazons for a week or so, as straight after Shampoo got her Rune, Cologne had dragged her back to the Cat Cafe. 

Currently, Ed was going to the Tendo Dojo. Ranma had offered to teach him a few basics of self defence in return for getting Shampoo off his back. Ed hated to leave his computers for a moment, but he was willing to admit that it wouldn't hurt if he learnt a few things. Before the Rune, he wouldn't have been able to do anything, but afterwards he seemed to have gained in strength and constitution. 

He had his eyes closed, listening to his discman as he walked by the chainlink fence. He sang in English as his feet wandered on. 

"[I scream I scream I scream so much you know what I mean this electric stream and my tears in league with the wires and energy and my machine this is my beautiful dream I'm a hurting no one hurting no--]" 

"Excuse me, but do you know where the Tendo Dojo is?," a voice interrupted him. 

"AAAAH!," the easily unsettled Ed yelled. 

Normal people jump and flinch when startled. Ed, being a general to an Elder God of lava, put a flaming arm up to block whatever startled him. 

"EEEEK!," the stranger screamed as some fabric and paper got burned into so much ash. 

"[Ummm....] I'm very, very sorry for that," Ed said, bowing slightly. "I'm Ed Floyd. Can I recompense you in any way?" 

The middle aged woman with red hair was delicately looking through the ash. Some of her sash holding her kimono shut had been burnt, and some documents she had had tucked behind it were so much char now. A katana she was holding in her hands was coated in a fine layer of char as well. 

"The contract... the contract has been burnt," the woman said. Tears threatened to come from her eyes. Her little boy's last creation had been lost! 

"Ummm... I'm incredibly sorry. I'm going to the Tendo Dojo at the moment to see Ranma, you can come with me. I'm sure that Kasumi Tendo would be willing to help you clean up. Ummm.... once you find out the replacement value for that cloth, I'd be more than willing to pay for the replacement," he said, blushing. Ed was very ashamed of his lack of control -- what if he'd given her third degree burns or something? 

The woman looked up, hope in her eyes. "Ranma? Ranma Saotome?" 

Ed nodded cautiously, aware that there were a lot of freaks out there after his new friend's head. "Yeah, why? You're not after him because of his loser old man, are you?" 

The woman shook her head. "Not at all! I'm his mother, Nodoka Saotome." 

* * * 

"I'm afraid you just missed them," Soun said. "They left on another training journey yesterday." 

Ed looked up. "I know for a fact that Ranma wouldn't've left, Mr Tendo. He promised to teach me today, and he never breaks his word." 

Nodoka smiled at this news of her son's manlyness. Even if it didn't matter quite so much now that the contract was destroyed. 

Ed listened as the Tendo's chatted with Mrs Saotome. His expression became more firey as he learnt of Genma's... actions. 

"Floyd, you burn the floor, you're paying for repairs," Nabiki said. Ed controlled himself. 

Suddenly, a voice from outside cut through Nodoka's explanation of Genma's promise. "Let go of me, you old jerk!" 

Nodoka got up. "Perhaps Ranma has come back!" 

"It's more likely that he came around from Genma belting him one," Ed offered. 

The Tendo clan peeked around the sliding door as Nodoka oh'ed at Ranma-chan. 

"Oh! It's the young lady I met this morning!" 

The panda held up a sign. "Hello! I don't believe we've met before." 

Ranma-chan came around. "What the hell was that for?!" She hit Genma-panda back. 

Nodoka started to chastise Ranma-chan for acting unladylike, when Ed interrupted in a very soft voice. 

"If I may, Mrs Saotome?" 

She nodded, leaving the discipline to someone who knew the miscreant. 

To her surprise, Ed moved past the young girl to the panda. He channeled some of Cthon's fire through his right hand, which he clamped onto the panda's shoulder. Smoke visibly began to rise from Genma's fur. 

"Now, Genma, you *will* tell Mrs Saotome all about what has happened, won't you? If you don't, then I'll hunt you down myself." 

Normally, Ed wouldn't get so worked up about something. But he knew what it was like to be lonely, with no one there for you. And Ranma's mother had gone through that for ten years. Not to mention Ranma, with no one to comfort him. 

"I don't know what you're talking about!," the next sign said. 

Ed moved his other hand to the panda's throat. "I think you do. Genma." 

"You shouldn't hurt endangered animals like that, Floyd-san," Nodoka said. 

Without moving his eyes from Genma, Ed asked Kasumi for hot water. The eldest Tendo girl, always ready to help, poured the hot water onto the panda, revealing... 

"Genma!" 

Nodoka glomped onto her husband, before catching herself and kneeling demurely before him. "Where is Ranma?" 

Continueing in that soft voice that managed to be more threatening than Ryouga at his loudest, Ed spoke. 

"[Oh, your.... son is here. This... person you married took him to a cursed training ground, don't ye know. Managed to get your darling boy cursed to turn into a gel, lass,]" Ed said, speaking in English reflexively. 

Luckily, Nodoka seemed to have some knowledge of the language. As she parsed the sentence, she realised what the foreigner meant. She turned and looked at the red headed girl. 

"Ranma?" 

Throughout this, Ed had continued to hang onto Genma, who was not foolish enough to struggle against someone who could give him third degree burns by sneezing. 

"Are you... my little boy?," the middleaged woman asked. Tears glinted in her eyes. 

"Mu...Mum?," Ranma-chan shakily replied. The short red-head was immediately drawn into a tight hug by the older red-head. Nabiki carefully took the half-full kettle from her sister and poured some onto Ranma. He only hugged his mother all the harder. 

Eventually, Nodoka loosened her grip to get a good look at her son. "Oh, you've grown up without me. So, do you have a girl in your life?" 

[AuthorsNote: It's creepy, when your mum gives you tips on chatting up girls. I speak from experience here.] 

Akane, not without sensitivity, shoo'ed her father off. Genma motioned to the dojo. 

"Boy, I must talk with you." 

* * * 

"Did... she have a contract with her, boy?," Genma asked, trying for the 'wise old sensei' look. 

Ed scratched his cheek for a moment. "Hmmm... yeah, she did. I burnt it by accident, when she startled me. Why? What was on it, old fart?" 

Someone has gotten the Mega Happy Info Pack from a certain someone else. 

Genma pushed his glasses up, giving Ed a sagacious look that didn't pass muster for a second. "Nothing important. Now, Ranma will be busy all afternoon by the look of things, so I suggest you find something else to do." 

"I don't think so. Ranma's a friend," Ed replied, able to see when someone was trying to manipulate him. 

* * * 

Back on the porch, everyone's favourite Chinese Amazon had returned to see her husband. 

"Shampoo back, Ranma!," she announced, forgoing destroying the wall for once. 

Nodoka looked up, seeing the girl. Ranma blinked as he took in the changes. 

Shampoo's hair, normally a rich purple, had lightened to skyblue, and her skin had softened as well. A faint tracery of lines had extended from the blue Rune on her hand, reaching halfway up her arm. 

"Ranma, is this your girlfriend?," Nodoka asked as Shampoo joined in the hugging of Ranma. Where Shampoo had placed Ranma's face in the hug was not lost on the boy's mother. 

"Ranma is Shampoo's husband!," Shampoo replied. 

"No I ain't!," Ranma yelled. "Your laws don't got any place in Japan!" 

Nodoka blinked as a couple more girls entered to greet Ranma. 

"Well, it certainly looks as if you are manly, son." 

* * * 

In the kitchen, Akane was helping Kasumi prepare tea. (Kasumi was doing anything involving the tea in any form, Akane was getting some empty tea mugs and a tray.) 

"Ranma looks so happy," Kasumi commented with a smile. 

Akane snorted. "Good for him." 

"What are you going to do if Mrs Saotome decides that it's time for Mr Saotome and Ranma to go home?," Kasumi gently prodded. She didn't have any real hopes of Akane declaring that she did indeed feel something for the boy, but it never hurt to ask. 

"I... I don't know," Akane evaded the question. "Nabiki will be annoyed, with no one around to make money off of." 

Kasumi wasn't really surprised that Akane thought that Nabiki had given up on dirty pictures of her. Although at heart a kind girl, Akane could be very shortsighted at times. 

"Perhaps you could take him lunch at school, Akane." 

"Ummm... how about I take this stuff out to the others," Akane evaded again. 

* * * 

Tom, while Ed's brother, had interests wildly divergent to Ed. He was currently on a self-appointed mission to find a decent car with at least eight cylinders. Initially, he had hoped for a Corvette or something that he could get cheap and rusty. Currently, the mission was a complete bust. Nerima's junkyards, it seemed, were not known for anything other than ancient four-bangers. 

He shoved an old car door to one side, rust painting his hand red. The door had been concealing another section of the yard he was currently combing through. Tom didn't expect to find anything, but you never knew till you looked. 

"Oh. My. Goddess," Tom breathed. 

The car before him, patchy with a badly done paint job, had clean lines from front to back. The sunroof was a memory, fragments of glass still hanging stubbornly to the metal center divide of the sunroof. The hood was bent, and the phoenix was barely visible. At some stage, someone had welded a plate over the hole in the hood. The tyres were ratty, and their threading showed. 

Tom popped the hood of the car. Amazing -- almost all of the drivetrain was still present. The only missing part was the heater. He was tempted to kiss the 6.6 litre engine, but the slight cover of fine rust was a good deterrent. 

There was no way in hell this old Trans Am was staying in this scrapheap a moment longer! 

"I want the car at the back, the black two-seater," Tom said to the owner, once he found him. 

"You want that one, eh? Good, I can finally get rid of it. Been sitting here for awhile since some foreigner left the country," the owner agreed. He was dressed in shorts and a singlet, and had a can of beer in his hand. 

After the obligatory round of haggling, Tom was driving the car through the backstreets of Nerima to his parent's house. 

* * * 

"What does your brother do, Ed?," Nodoka asked as she sipped a cup of tea. She was interested in the boy who had helped her find her son. 

"He's into cars," Ed replied. "The faster, the better. I dunno how he's gonna do here though." 

"Why is that?," Nabiki asked. "Japan makes a lot of fast cars!" 

Ed shrugged. Beyond getting a ride from Ed every now and again, he couldn't care less. 

"Time for your training," Ranma interrupted, trying to shed his admirers who were pulling on his arms. Kodachi had his right arm, and was trying to get him to take a bouquet of roses. Shampoo had his left, and was trying to graft herself to him. He felt a chill from her, as if she had spent the day sitting in a refridgerator. 

Ukyo was sitting demurely at the table, trying to make a good impression on his mother. 

"Airen train too too thin boy?," Shampoo asked. "Want Shampoo to ask Great-Grandmother for tips and hints?" 

"That's me, not Shampoo in that use," Ed corrected automatically. "Oops, sorry. I'm used to helping my brother with his Japanese, didn't mean to offend." 

"That okay, thin boy," Shampoo said. "Shampoo no mind." 

"I don't mind," Ed corrected again. Ranma had managed to divert his fiancees by now, and dragged the Fire General to the dojo. 

"Son, can I watch? It would be good to see how darling has trained you," Nodoka interrupted. Ranma made a noise of agreeing. 

"Okay, do some stretches," Ranma told Ed. "Try to control yourself this time, or Nabiki'll make you pay for the floorboards and coverings again." 

Ed did the stretches that Ranma had told him to do at the start of the week. While concentrating on the exercise previously, he had forgotten to maintain control and had scorched the floor of the dojo by accident. As he stretched, he let control waver, but didn't let his feet heat up too much. 

Nodoka gasped as her son's student's hair and eyebrows turned into flame, and his skin turned red and scaly. Smoke rose from Ed's clothing. 

"Lord Cthon?!," she asked. The matronly woman moved to kowtow on the floor. 

Ed stopped his stretches, taking back his control and human appearance. He blinked, surprised at Mrs Saotome's reaction. Ranma knelt before his mother. 

"Mum, you okay?" 

Nodoka pressed her son to the floor. "Show respect!," she whispered. "This is a representative of the Elder God Cthon, who I worship and you were baptised to!" 

Both Ranma and Ed blinked at this. 

"Um, Mrs Saotome, I'm his general, actually," Ed corrected. 

Nabiki, to put it bluntly, was gobsmacked. She took a few moments to gather her wits then got a tape recorder from the house to record the conversation. Thank God that Japanese houses used paper walls, that was her motto. 


End file.
